Several clients this week said they're ready for someone to come into their lives.
It's my job to use the cards to discover what is blocking love from entering their lives.
The most common cards that pop up during these types of love readings are the 8 of Swords.
Let's start with the 8 of Swords:
We see a woman blindfolded and tied up with 8 Swords behind her. But if you take a closer look, she is loosely bound and can simply shake off the material that holds her in bondage.
The swords that stand behind her represent her limiting beliefs. Her brain is creating 'what if' scenarios to protect her from further pain. The water below her represents her emotions. She is allowing her emotions to control her, and she is mentally creating catastrophic scenarios that keep her stuck.
This card represents anxiety, but it's anxiety that's made up in your head. It's the classic "you're overthinking" card.
In Buddhism, we call this the monkey brain. We need to reign in the brain because it's blocking us from seeing the truth.
When a client saw this card, she protested and said, "But I've been doing the work. I used to be in my head, but now I'm much better."
And I believe them.
However, after further prodding, my client confessed that they don't trust people who tell them they are attractive and certainly don't trust when someone is interested in them.
They hated to admit this, but they said, "There's something wrong with them if they're into me."
I suspected that another client of mine was suffering from this same belief and asked them if they questioned people who find them attractive. He responded, "I think that's why I am attracted to ugly men. I don't trust people when they say they're into me."
Even though both of my clients may like themselves on the surface, deep down, they still serve an old narrative that believes they are not worthy of a specific type of love. And if anyone falls in love with them, that person is an idiot or someone not to trust.
This isn't about me preaching that you need to love yourself. Many people, especially those who have gone to therapy, believe that they have learned to love when, in fact, they've simply learned to stop hating themselves.
Replacing self-hatred with acceptance is progress, but it isn't love.
Love does not come naturally. Love is a choice.
In his book The Art of Loving, Eric Fromm said, "Love isn't something natural. Rather, it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn't a feeling; it is a practice."
If you want to love again, you must choose to love yourself first.
When I tell people this, I get a little pushback. They tell me that they are working on themselves. And that's great, but that's not tangible enough for me. Just because you say it doesn't mean you're doing it. What are you actively doing to love yourself?
And I'm not talking about drinking margaritas with friends or going to the gym.
Do you love your smile, your wit, your style, your face, your heart, your mind, your age, and your body? Are you loving all parts of you?
If you are harsh with your body or mind, then you need to reframe those thoughts or implement a Buddhist practice called "changing the peg."
This excerpt is from Thich Nhat Hanh's The Heart of Buddha's Teaching explains this practice.
"The Buddha suggested a practice called "changing the peg." When a peg of wood is not the right size or is rotting or in disrepair, a carpenter will replace it by putting another peg on exactly the same spot and driving the new peg into the old one. If you have a mental formation arising that you consider to be unwholesome, one way to practice is to invite another mental formation to replace it."
He goes on to say that we have planted wholesome and beautiful seeds in our consciousness, as well as ugly and negative seeds. He says, "Just breathe in and out and invite one of them to come up, and the other seed will go down."
The idea is quite simple. Do not allow your ugly commentary about yourself to go unchecked.
Just today, I heard myself say, "You're a fat cow," because I overate.
If I allow this thought to go unchecked, the seed becomes stronger.
I replied to that thought, "I love my body. I am grateful for my body."
Reframing your thoughts is important in any spiritual practice, whether religious, philosophical, or neurological.
If we want to find love, we must choose to love. And if we want a healthy love with someone else, we must choose to radically love ourselves first.
Start every morning by saying, "I love you _________." Say your name when you say I love you.
When you look in the mirror, tell yourself that you are in love with yourself.
If you see wrinkles, tell your wrinkles that you love them.
If you see a round tummy, then give your tummy love.
Whatever "thing" you think you hate about yourself, show that part of yourself some love. It desperately needs it. If you can't love these parts of yourself, remember love is a choice. You can choose to hate those parts of yourself. But you also can choose to love those parts.
Make the right choice. Plant good seeds.
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